5 steps to a more emotionally intelligent you!

1.Meditating

Mind is really a dangerous weapon and its effect really depends on what you fill this weapon with.

If your mind is filled with negativity or irrational thoughts, you will end up shooting yourself but if it is filled with rational and positive thoughts you will end up leveling up more and more.  Training your mind isn’t as easy as it seems, it takes a lot of persistence, patience and shedding that big EGO a little bit.

One perfect tool for training your mind is “Meditation”, not only it will bring more clarity but also more peace and rationality to you. Being more clear and at peace becomes a great help to even adapt to a new way of thinking and doing things. And let’s admit it we all are stubborn a bit when it comes to doing things differently but clearing your mind from negativity will surely give you a better solution to any specific situation. Also from my personal experience, it will be a great help for physical discomfort caused by stress, such as headaches.

Meditation activates a pause button to that never ending race of thoughts that seems to be our new modern disease. And with the stress of daily life, a pause button is definitely a blessing.

“Nowhere can man find a quieter or more untroubled retreat than in his own soul.” – Marcus Aurelius

2.Releasing your emotions

By releasing your emotions, I don’t mean to be a serial killer but…  But to find alternative ways to release your emotions. It’s not about not feeling or not having the emotion inside you but about not letting it control you. You control your emotions, they don’t control you and you should be the master of them. But which are some of these alternative ways?

One of them is “exercising”, running or boxing with some loud music works best for releasing anger, even this comes from personal experience. Writing, painting, playing a sport that you like, listening to music, going for a walk, talking with someone are also some alternative ways that could save you from a lot of emotional baggage. And yes it takes some exploration to know what works best for you.

But can these negative emotions be used as a fuel to be more motivated to reach your goals?

Hmmm… Why not ?

Negative emotions + alternative healthy ways = POSITIVE OUTPUT. 😁

Similar with that quote:” I’m using your hate as my fuel”. Take these negative emotions and use it as a fuel to produce something that will make you feel proud in the near future.  And I don’t say this as a way to prove something to someone, you don’t own nothing to anyone but you own yourself a lot. Use those frustrating experiences in a way that doesn’t damage anyone.  Why not write a book out of it or push yourself to become a better version of yourself?  Transforming negative energy into positive result is what different levels of growth allows you to do.

Except these alternative ways, it is also needed to know when to rest and to be more forgiving with yourself.

“Instead of resisting any emotion, the best way to dispel it is to enter it fully, embrace it and see through your resistance.” ~ Deepak Chopra

3.Eating healthy

Would you believe me if I said to you that more than 80% of my anxiety disappeared when I started to eat healthier.

It’s not easy to control your emotions when anxiety chooses to take over. Staying calm and rational becomes not hard but impossible. Not only anxiety but also every other form of mental and physical discomfort can really turn you into a green HULK.

And we know what a green giant Hulk does. Destroys everything. And in this case your “Betty Ross” is a healthy lifestyle.

“To keep the body in good health is a duty, otherwise we shall not be able to keep our mind strong and clear.” – Buddha

4.Communicating properly

They say communication is a key but it can be a lock too, especially when you suck at it. And with a proper communication I mean an honest, clear and thoughtful one. Not every situation is as it seems and sometimes even when it looks like we have all the needed proves in hand we still end up not taking decision regarding the real issue but only on the presumed one. We may be close to the truth but we also may be wrong about it.

It’s not that easy to know a person without even taking the effort to know them, their character and intentions. Even though some people claim to be experts at reading other people just from their body language or their favorite color, the way they dress and every other external characteristics or preferences that they have.

 Improving your communication is not only the most rational solution for difficult or messy situations but also one who helps you to really know people and yourself too. Trying to be more understanding at others will definitely soothe and put your emotions in equilibrium. (And with understanding I don’t mean tolerating behaviors that damage you.)

“To effectively communicate, we must realize that we are all different in the way we perceive the world and use this understanding as a guide to our communication with others.”

Anthony Robbins

5.Knowing your triggers

Your triggers are a way of your own soul communicating with you on what you should work with or what to stay away from. Which are the situations that seem to make you to have less control over your emotions? Are there people or places you should avoid not because you are scared but because you care for your mental and spiritual peace? Are there certain foods or drinks that give you physical or mental discomfort?

 It takes a lot of mental strength to make this step because it requires to deeply look in yourself, more specifically on your darkest corners. It requires to stop running from your fears but to sit down with them for a moment.  Get to know them and why they are there and how to greet them properly…  Work on what triggers you until they no longer are responsible for your actions.

“We are not a victim of our emotions or thoughts. We can understand our triggers and use them as tools to help us respond more objectively. “  – Elizabeth Thornton

Written by Paradox Media.



🖤Playing with Paradoxes🤍

Your origin, your skin color, your physical appearance, your age, everything outside of you is used as a barrier to limit you. A barrier that tries to limit and vanish your happiness, by putting the focus on destructive competition and taking without giving, because when life becomes a competition, taking becomes a sport. Everything that looks fixed, like it goes with a recognizable flow, it’s a lock put in you, so you can’t reach your full potential. A barrier to give you confusion, because you choose to be controlled and stuck in other people’s world and limitations.

The world outside of you interference badly with the world inside of you, letting it undeveloped due to external causes. The guilt doesn’t belong to society but to you. Focusing too much on something you can’t control is self-destruction.

Why to be stubborn on some things you know that aren’t worth your focus?! Your focus should be in building your inner world, spending time alone to reflect on what you want and what you don’t want. Your focus should be in progress, in the ride not only in the place that you want the ride to take you. Your focus should be in gratitude and giving to others. Your focus should be kindness. Your focus should be you but not only you.

Other’s advices are shit compared to your inner voice, because they can’t see with your eyes, even if you rip them off and give it to them. Not everyone has the same dreams and everyone has their own ways. But God/ Universe whatever you choose to believe has put in you a vision for a reason and that vision is meant to be chased.

But how to unlock your true potential if you don’t know what you want? First everyone knows what they want, they are just so drown in the depth of doubts that they refuse to give even the bare minimum. Yes! The bare minimum for their “one life”. They refuse to live life according to their own taste, for them authenticity is embarrassing but for me it is the essence of life.

Unlocking your true potential is a different “high” that focuses on happiness and not pleasure. But why to unlock it? I am really happy with the life I have and I do not feel the need to evolve. “The meaning of life is to find your gift and the purpose is to give it away”- Pablo Picasso. In the essence of this thought is the “catapult” for a deeper connection, with your life purpose and this should keep your driven to keep going and to see every barrier as a catapult to an extraordinary infinite destination.

Explore the depth of your own soul and mind, search for your truth and you will find your truth, as Jesus Christ said: “Seek and you will find”, so step into your own game and for every level give from the things you receive. Study yourself and study your weakness, what can be changed for good and how? By creating a duality and unity at the same time. Visualizing yourself as how you want to be… And then reflect on who you are. Now unite them together and come to a conclusion. What does it take for you to go there and what should you kill from your last version to enjoy the new version?

It’s hard and painful sometimes because you have to kill something in you that you think that can’t be killed. That’s illusion, you can choose to experience a full metamorphosis and not reincarnate again. And you have to cut off people that weren’t never with you, just masked that way by your emotions. Emotions are meant to be felt but not to be a controller. By juggling what you think feel and want you create a balance, that gives you a full package of mental, spiritual and material world in a way that makes you feel complete.

I’m not a big fan of Sigmund Freud but that shadow strategy is useful. It’s like waking up both devil and angel in you and integrating them into society for your own good and growth. If Napoleon Hill for example classifies everything negative as a Devil and everything positive as God, adding them together you have the whole universe and beyond. All the unknown world. And a part of universe is also you.

Also here we have a barrier. Judging the negative energy as something that is always bad and the positive energy as always good. For example, you always give and don’t accept to take from people. You find it hard to say no. You want to help everyone even if they don’t deserve it. Someone has not studied as much as you and begs you to help them to pass and you do. They win the school, you help them also to find a job without having them to worry at all, cuz you are “people pleaser motherfucker”. To the point now, you made them dependent on other people, you didn’t let them learn the lesson through consequences, you became their barrier that didn’t let them to grow and to find their self. You made them feel like there’s no way they could do it by themselves, you fed their doubts. Look how bad you are now.

Reverse

 Now someone ask you to find them a job even though there aren’t good at it. The boss is your cousin so why not to help a friend in need. By telling them to fuck off and work in themselves in order to find the job that there are good at and that they enjoy. 

Others may say this is so out of you, because it is the shadow inside of you that comes to light. They don’t see it but you have it for one reason. The reason isn’t to repressed it but to use it in the most convenient way for you. (Nobody is asking me to find them a job it’s just for illustrating)

I was and am that type of person that when I’m sad or frustrated with people I fight when I see it convenient and when I don’t.. I take all of that in me. Not being sad or frustrated but motivated to level up to do something good for myself by exercising, writing, meditating or helping someone. I reinvest that energy into creating a stronger and better version of me . Cuz like Rome we are built from ashes and what really matters is the freedom of soul.

Written by Paradox Media

What is killing your authenticity?

How many followers I have? How many likes? Who commented? How many people viewed my profile? Why this post hasn’t got enough likes? Isn’t it good enough or am I not transmitting the things that I want in the right way?! So many blocking thoughts that make people to adapt with the flow or to give up. 

I closed most of my social media platforms not because I was spending too much time but because I was drained with the content that so many people were drawn to repeatedly. Dead individuality and dead souls just wandering. People losing themselves to become a puppet controlled by a button, that everyone had in their hand. No matter how strong my mindset was they still had an upsetting effect in me. Cuz my brain was indirectly being fed with monotony, lack of diversity and other people’s viewpoints which were stuck in my mind. They were heavily in my mind because there was a grand majority that supported and reshared the same effect in different forms. 

Majority has the power given by the system to redefine the truth and to give a new color to reality. Honesty is shared only as perversity and vulnerability and mistakes are hided as something shameful.  Because society teaches us that majority is always right and what majority chooses is what has value. But if you don’t value your thoughts why would I? If you don’t stand up for yourself even if you don’t have the warmest arms around you than you’ll commit a painful soul suicide with very few hopes of reincarnation.

The main point is to explore yourself and why not to experiment a little bit. Grow in some environments that doesn’t have instructions on how to grow. Explore the hidden blessing brought by the struggle. Jump and take risks without fearing to let go of everything you may lose. You may fall but after that you’ll fly higher, because you’ll have the needed experience to build stronger wings that will take you to bigger horizons. And that’s on evolving into a new level by challenging yourself from day to day. Self reflection is really needed to level up and to do things that bring fulfillment and progress. But self reflection is needed to start from within and shouldn’t be mixed with external elements. 

The most devastating thing about social media isn’t not getting enough feedback (with likes, followers and comments) but losing and hiding your individuality and authenticity in order to adapt with what is liked more. Being controlled by an increase of dopamine because of social media interaction and a decrease from it’s lack. By letting social media affect our happiness and transform our perspective we hit ourselves with a passive aggressive force . If we would be more enthusiastic for the beginning of the day as we are to see something in the phone the day would be way different.

Everything is connected and has a pebble effect so why not to make your little wave in the sea. Express yourself through a photo, article, poetry, a drawing that you made 10 years ago just to set yourself free. If it is misunderstood let it be. Someone may relate to it and find comfort or you may find it easier to understand and help yourself more in the long journey of self-development. Expressing yourself without hesitation is what makes you grow from inside. (mentally and spiritually)

 If you wouldn’t see the world with the eyes of the society than you would see value in everything. You would see the hidden blessings in every “negative” situation. Kill society’s projections and see with the eyes of your own mind and soul. That’s where the essence of your true self is hiding.

Written by Paradox Media

True to yourself.

A lot of people… black, white, Mexican, young or old, fat or skinny have a problem being true to their selves. They have a problem looking into the mirror and looking directly into their own souls. The reason I sell six million records, the reason I can go to jail and come out without a scratch…The reason I am who I am today, is because I can look directly into my face, and find my soul… 

We don’t need no more rappers, no more basketball players, no more football players.

We need more thinkers, we need more scientist, we need more metodist, we need more mathematicians, we need more teachers, we need more people who care, we need more women, mothers, fathers.

We don’t need more entertainers. “

~ Tupac Shakur

Nowadays, everyone wants to be an influencer. Everyone wants to change the world. Everyone wants to be famous. Everyone wants to write something and to wake up in the morning with a “best writer for 2022 ” prize. Because they think that being successful and happy means being known by others. Of course, you can be an influencer, change the world, be famous, etc.,

But are you doing these things with a pure heart, or are you just craving some attention?

Are you craving to be a “need” for others to get some vitamin validation, or do you want to help others because you genuinely care?

We are so close to a future that: “If you compare humans with animals, the animals will get offended.” It may look funny, but it isn’t!

We are killing ourselves every single day in every single way that is possible. And you stay there and laugh like everything is okay and the significant problems of this world aren’t your thing.

 Sorry for not understanding, because I am from a different world that caring for others and for the major problems is kind of “my people thing.”

 We are so obsessed with “the good life” and ” SUCCESS” that we forget or don’t even notice how intensively brainwashed we are.

Our brain is in a constant manipulation trap everyday by the media, the people around us, and even by our circumstances.

This brainwashing, unfortunately, forces some people to put on many masks, and sadly some of them die without even living in their skin. Some of them never discover the life that was meant for them because they didn’t believe that their uniqueness was meant to be embraced, not hidden. .

 The best favor you can do to yourself and the world is to be true to your authenticity, don’t be scared to shine in your own way.

It will get confusing; it will get hard, it will get so damn testing but it will be worth it. It will be worth it to look directly into your soul and be sure of who you are. That’s absolute freedom, and that’s real happiness. Freedom is a really expensive luxury to afford, but I seek that luxury. And you should too.

 With the fear of being misunderstood, I write to be heard by those who still believe in humanism. We are in this life to feel, and we deserve to feel free…

Paradox media

How to be yourself in a hypocritical society like ours?

Being yourself has always been a grand challenge that has been overcome only by the most daring people. And it is still a challenge, in fact, the most beautiful challenge that a human being can endure during this lifetime.

You may ask why I use the term Hypocritical society? Well…. It’s the reality we are living; there is no doubt in it. To be more clear on what I mean by this, I want to share with you some of my viewpoints regarding societal hypocrisy.

For example, in our school system, our mind is nourished to believe that learning should be more important than grades and that theory is just a tool to practice what we learn. But in reality, school values grades more than learning, and the view is just a task we know to memorize without an approach to its use or how it can be put into practice in our life.

 “The major object of all schooling is to force the students to cram their memories with facts instead of teaching them how to organize and make practical use of facts.”- Napoleon Hill from the book Outwitting the Devil

Another typical example is work. It is needed for you to prove that you are highly capable of doing the job only with a diploma or some participation in some extracurricular activities. Therefore, if it is written in a letter is more convincing than actually given a trial chance to do the work.  

We talk about equality, but the only one who doesn’t differentiate people by race, age, gender, or what action they take is MONEY. With the right amount of money, killers become preachers of peace, and dumbly others eat this lie too; I mean, why not when it is hidden so good—getting away with killing, with rape, with molestation, with human trafficking without any evidence and justice that’s what money do.

“Every veil desired to be lifted, except the veil of hypocrisy.”- Richard Garnett

Covid – 19 was a problem for all of us, and we all should raise awareness in order to protect each other and everyone’s life in this world. We all should get engaged and give our contribution but I don’t see this push in other common problems that we have.

What about Poverty, Climate change, Discrimination, Pollution, Depression, Bullying, Lack of education? Aren’t these problems for all of us. Or these aren’t so pleasing or concerning for the public eye.

We live in a society that wouldn’t even move a finger if it doesn’t get burned badly in its ass because what is its benefit?! Actually, it is more beneficial to be less negligent toward other challenges that we face today, but …. Evil remains evil

I am sure that even you have witnessed a lot of cases of this societal hypocrisy that seems to be spread more than ever, from inequality to double standard to misinformation and a lot of others.  

Now let’s jump to the main themeHow to be yourself in a messy and hypocritical society like this?!”

  1. Know yourself!

There’s no way to be yourself when you don’t even know who you are. To do that, you have to take some time to explore and to understand yourself better.

Get to know your strongest points and your weakest point, find a way to use your strongest points to your benefit, and find a way to work on your most vulnerable points. Learn new skills, visit new places, meet new people, challenge yourself and enjoy the process.

 Make yourself able to specify what makes you feel good about yourself, find that hobby that activity that makes your thinking clear. To find it, you have to try it. For some people, physical activity can be a great way to be more in tune with their thought, but that’s not the same for everyone. You can try writing, painting, running, yoga, meditating, listening to music, piano, etc. to decide what works for you.

 Explore what triggers you to behave in a non-authentic way and spend time soothing its impact until it is completely gone. Choose to be the person that you want to be. You don’t need to find yourself, and you have to create it. You have to choose to be the first of your own kind. That’s the only way to embrace being a unique individual and being you.

“The world will ask you who you are, and if you don’t know, the world will tell you.”- Carl Jung

2.Surround yourself with people of values

It’s really important to surround yourself with people worthy of your time and your company unless you want to screw your life for a couple of years.

People of value are those people that help you grow and make you feel good about yourself. People of matter are those people who uplift you and push you to do better, not those who try to change you to benefit them.

As Denzel Washington says: “If you hang around 5 idiots, you will be the 6th“.

 Even though some people think they can’t be affected by their circle and decide to stay in an environment that is harmful to them.

Everyone is affected by the circle of people they choose to stay with. In a way or another, you will start to lose a part of your individuality without even noticing it. And that happens only if you stay with the wrong tribe or when you don’t hold a specific time only for yourself.

3.Accept that people have different perceptions.

To some people, you may be a piece of crap, and to some others, you may be the smartest and charming young lady ever to exist.

But you decide what subjective opinion people have based on their perception and brain capability you choose to take it to heart.

 Best is not to take nothing from other people perception but to be sure on yourself, because are your doubts that destroy you more than what people say.

Also be careful to not fall into the common trap “I can convince them on what kind of person I am.” Wanting everyone to like you is how you become a puppet of everyone.

 Find peace in owning and knowing who you are proudly.

“Life is all about perception. positive versus negative. Whichever you choose will affect and more than likely reflect your outcomes.” – Sonya Teclai

4.Make alone time sacred

Always make sure to make time for yourself. Make time to take care for your body, soul and mind. It is more than needed to give your best even to yourself. During this time choose to do some things that are more related to you, like for example a hobby that you have or something fun that makes you feel good.

Reading a new book, writing, seeing a movie, cooking a delicious meal, taking care of your hair and face, working out, going in a trip, meditating, dancing, and every other thing that makes you feel better but also more energized. If you don’t have a positive alone time the addiction from other people with get really harmful.

 In order to fully be in control you have to pour in a balance way enough time for yourself, for your loved ones and for your other activities such as career or education.

“Many people suffer from the fear of finding oneself alone, and so they don’t find themselves at all.”- Rollo May

5.Take the risk

Take the risk to do that thing that makes you feel alive. Take the risk to try those things you have always wanted.

 Fucking live your life, don’t die without even feeling that you lived. Challenge yourself. Be the first to prove that it can be done as you wanted it. You can’t fully enjoy life if you keep eating every lie that this society tries to feed your subconscious with.

Choose that lifestyle you want, give yourself first permission to dream, and stop limiting yourself. Every dream and every vision that you have is in you for a reason, and pursuing them leads to a path of surprises. You will be surprised at how much you will learn about yourself and about the world when you start to pursue those dreams and goals that you have.

Taking risks toward the fields of your interest will help you unlock different portals of your potential. Unlocking these different portals is the greatest feeling of self-discovery and fulfillment of a human being in this lifetime.

“Risk leads to greatness.”-Tim Sullivan, ‘The Dangerous Lives Of Altar Boys’, 2002.

Society has never changed and will never change but it will surely adapt with you if you don’t lose yourself to adapt with it.

 Society will adapt with you only if you make sure to fil those spaces where society chooses to put its threads, similar with the threads of a marionette. If you are bending society will easily break you but if you don’t bend and stay bold society won’t even, try to break you.

Paradox Media

Why do you need to become more emotionally intelligent? 

Do you often find yourself in those situations where the idea of punching someone in the face seems as the only way to make yourself feel relived?!  

If not than scroll, just kidding…  keep reading! I’m not writing this for myself.🤪

As human beings we tend to let our emotions direct our actions in the same way as animals are alerted by their instincts. And for animals this way of functioning works quite well, but when it comes to humans, acting with their “emotional instincts” becomes a quite concerning case.

We all have had moments of overreacting or acting so impulsively that we regretted not only later but also many years after it.  And you have all the right of the world to say: “But this is who I am and that’s how I cope with my emotions because I can’t repress them.” And that’s completely wrong! It’s all a matter of choices. You can’t choose how you feel but you can surely choose how you act. To make my view more understandable let me cite one of my favorite quotes from Nelson Mandela. “Courage is not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it.” Meaning that fear exist in every single one of us but the ones who choose to not be controlled by fear and take actions against it are the ones who have full power over themselves and over their life. In parallel with the quote mentioned above we could say being emotionally intelligent isn’t equal with the absence of emotions, but with the ability to triumph over them. I want to emphasize another valid point view that many people confuse, and that is that “the absence of emotions is not a sign of Emotional Intelligence but is mostly a sign of psychopathy.”

Additionally, we all have positive and negative emotions but taking control over them is how we master the art of self-control, an art that is essential for living a successful life . We have the greatest weapon that we refuse to use and that is “choice”. You have a choice, hard or easy, it’s a matter of calculations on what weights more in your favor according to your goals and values. It takes less than a second to destroy relationships, projects, deals, dreams if we became a slave of emotions just because that’s how society taught us how to react to different situations. Emotional intelligence is essential for every human being and I think that everyone should start to train their emotions in the same way they train their muscles.

Being more emotionally intelligent will greatly grow the probability :of living a happier and peaceful life, of getting along with other people from family to friends and colleagues but even to strangers. One other aspect that will be improved by growing your EI would be the probability of making your dreams come true and the overcoming of hardships like a boss. A lot of physical problems that come from emotional damage will start to be less common from anxiety and personality disorders to other problems like high blood pressure, depression, abnormal heart rhythm etc. In conclusion the training and the use of EI recovers not only your mental health but also your physical health.

Disappointment and hurt, the poisons that we give to ourselves for other people’s mistakes due to the special bond we share with them are no longer going to cut you but they will free you. Yes, you will be free, free from the negative energy that these people possess and free from the weight of individuals that do not deserve your effort and that can damage your potential to give your best. From personal experience I would say that these poisons became a source of strength to not only be a better individual but also a more determined one toward my goals and toward my growth. But that doesn’t mean that the hurt and the grief wasn’t there. The emotional and physical pain was there but I slowly forgave myself, it was me that was getting hurt and It was me that deserved to be in peace, and that is why I trained my EI to give peace to myself. It helped me not only to learn to forgive myself but also to not take nothing personally even the things that were related to me personally.

“Do not take in heart the words of the ignorants”, it was a quote that I made and reminded myself every time that I used to get drown in emotions.  And do you know what do I mean with this quote? To not get influenced by the words that somebody that is ignorant towards your capability, personality, goals and individuality says because they cannot see in your perspective and that’s completely fine because that perspective belongs only to you. No matter how much we try we will never be able to convince everyone of what we are capable of doing or to just make our inner world closely known to them. But that shouldn’t stop us from doing what we are drawn to and pursuing the things that are related with our authenticity.

If we are thoughtful enough we would notice that there are so many hidden blessings in so many bad experiences that we rarely seem to acknowledge because of the different forms that they are shown to us.  Nevertheless, a deeper look and a different approach would be a great help to take something valuable even in those situations when things look hopeless.  

In order to not destroy valuable relationships and things that took us time to create we should consider teaching ourselves 2 main commands. First “Pause” and second “analyze”. “Pause and analyze”, meaning {pause!}, to not react immediately according to your emotions and then {analyze.} if whether would it costs you more to do that impulsive behavior that your urges find it hard to neglect. I emphasize It’s not about what you feel but is about what act you choose to do or not to do.

Weak people tend to blame others for everything bad that happens to them and start to put their self in a passive victim mode that only attracts failure to their life. And do you know why? Because they have given away their power. As Alice Walker says: “the most common way people give away their power is by thinking they don’t have any.” In this case by thinking that they do not have power over their self. It’s not other people that control or make somebody’s life miserable but it’s their reaction towards them, their emotional investment toward them and the power they give to them over their inner world. And if this power has been taken from you, take it back because you’re the captain of your boat not others they are just troubled waters near your boat. Train yourself to have power over yourself no matter how much it takes, don’t neglect yourself.

Because to have power over yourself is the greatest power and favor that a human being can do to himself/herself.

Paradox Media Blog